Lines Off My Mind’s Shelf

The other day, despite my desires, I was thinking perpetually of her hair. At the same time, it was long and short. Her fingernails could run through it,  just thick enough to carve ridges that would stay for a moment too long. 

She invited me to her apartment, and, naturally, I arrived there. I was thinking still about her hair, about her name, her motives. Despite my desire to let loose and enjoy myself, my mind rattled like an engine struggling to start.

Thinking as I was, the door opened to show her face. On the couch she sat smiling. Now, I would have gone if it weren’t for a pair of persuasive hands. 

“Are you relaxed?” she said. 

“Would you like a back rub?” she said. 

Thoughts percolated through my eyes; they could not see peacefulness. To where is this leading? Who is she, really?

She answered few of my thoughts—by no fault of her own—for she was not telepathic. However, I melted to her touch and I breathed to her thrust.

It came time to leave, “Good night,” she said. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

“Mmmhmm,” I said. Tense. 

Home was empty, no roommates around. I walked through the dark bedroom to switch on the lone bedside lamp. It was cold until I slipped into my pajamas and huddled underneath the duvet. I saw a blinking red light, a text from her, on my phone. The blink echoed into the vacant room, exposing the emptiness with each pulse. I let it beat in the space until I decided I wanted to be in my own company. I turned over the phone to smother the flashing red light and turned my mind to the pictures on the wall. Paintings and photographs smiled overhead, and I sunk low into the bed, in good company.

Lines Off My Mind’s Shelf

Before the thought formed in her head, the words split her lips, “I am not  broken.” There were two dalmation dogs tackling each other in the distance. The older lady dragging a leash on the ground a distance behind them. The dogs were jumping and clawing. The dogs were angry, or was it the girl?

The girl sat on the curb. “I am not broken.” If she brought these words into the air maybe it would become real. “I am not broken.” The words fell on her ears and she listened. Then she said it again. She had to believe this was true. “I am not broken.”

The mantra helped her stand up. She firmly balanced the middle arches of her feet on the curb. “I am not broken,” she spoke. This is my earth, she thought. I am strong enough to live here. I need not do anything other than breathe. If only her breath weren’t so broken.

Excerpt from On the Road – Jack Kerouac

That night in Harrisburg I had to sleep in the railroad station on a bench; at dawn the station masters threw me out. Isn’t it true that you start your life a sweet child believing in everything under your father’s roof? Then comes the day of the Laodiceans, when you know you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked, and with the visage of a gruesome grieving ghost you go shuddering through nightmare life. I stumbled haggardly out of the station; I had no more control.

All I could see of the morning was a whiteness like the whiteness of the tomb. I was starving to death.

All I had left in the form of calories were the last of the cough drops I’d bought in Shelton, Nebraska, months ago; these I sucked for their sugar. I didn’t know how to panhandle. I stumbled out of town with barely enough strength to reach the city limits. I knew I’d be arrested if I spent another night in Harrisburg. Cursed city! The ride I proceeded to get was with a skinny, haggard man who believed in controlled starvation for the sake of health. When I told him I was starving to death as we rolled east he said, “Fine, fine, there’s nothing better for you. I myself haven’t eaten for three days. I’m going to live to be a hundred and fifty years old.” He was a bag of bones, a floppy doll, a broken stick, a maniac. I might have gotten a ride with an affluent fat man who’d say, “Let’s stop at this restaurant and have some pork chops and beans.”

No, I had to get a ride that morning with a maniac who believed in controlled starvation for the sake of health.

After a hundred miles he grew lenient and took out bread-and-butter sandwiches from the back of the car. They were hidden among his salesman samples. He was selling plumbing fixtures around Pennsylvania. I devoured the bread and butter. Suddenly I began to laugh. I was all alone in the car, waiting for him as he made business calls in Allentown, and I laughed and laughed. Gad, I was sick and tired of life. But the madman drove me home to New York.

Excerpt from Through The Looking Glass – Lewis Carrol

Tweedledee began instantly:

                `The sun was shining — ‘

  Here Alice ventured to interrupt him.  `If it’s VERY long,’ she said, as
politely as she could, `would you please tell me first which road — ‘

  Tweedledee smiled gently, and began again:

            `The sun was shining on the sea,
              Shining with all his might:
            He did his very best to make
              The billows smooth and bright —
            And this was odd, because it was
              The middle of the night.

            The moon was shining sulkily,
              Because she thought the sun
            Had got no business to be there
              After the day was done —
            “It’s very rude of him,” she said,
              “To come and spoil the fun!”

            The sea was wet as wet could be,
              The sands were dry as dry.
            You could not see a cloud, because
              No cloud was in the sky:
            No birds were flying over head —
              There were no birds to fly.

            The Walrus and the Carpenter
              Were walking close at hand;
            They wept like anything to see
              Such quantities of sand:
            “If this were only cleared away,”
              They said, “it WOULD be grand!”

            “If seven maids with seven mops
              Swept it for half a year,
            Do you suppose,” the Walrus said,
              “That they could get it clear?”
            “I doubt it,” said the Carpenter,
              And shed a bitter tear.

            “O Oysters, come and walk with us!”
              The Walrus did beseech.
            “A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
              Along the briny beach:
            We cannot do with more than four,
              To give a hand to each.”

            The eldest Oyster looked at him.
              But never a word he said:
            The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
              And shook his heavy head —
            Meaning to say he did not choose
              To leave the oyster-bed.

            But four young oysters hurried up,
              All eager for the treat:
            Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
              Their shoes were clean and neat —
            And this was odd, because, you know,
              They hadn’t any feet.

            Four other Oysters followed them,
              And yet another four;
            And thick and fast they came at last,
              And more, and more, and more —
            All hopping through the frothy waves,
              And scrambling to the shore.

            The Walrus and the Carpenter
              Walked on a mile or so,
            And then they rested on a rock
              Conveniently low:
            And all the little Oysters stood
              And waited in a row.

            “The time has come,” the Walrus said,
              “To talk of many things:
            Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax —
              Of cabbages — and kings —
            And why the sea is boiling hot —
              And whether pigs have wings.”

            “But wait a bit,” the Oysters cried,
              “Before we have our chat;
            For some of us are out of breath,
              And all of us are fat!”
            “No hurry!” said the Carpenter.
              They thanked him much for that.

            “A loaf of bread,” the Walrus said,
              “Is what we chiefly need:
            Pepper and vinegar besides
              Are very good indeed —
            Now if you’re ready Oysters dear,
              We can begin to feed.”

            “But not on us!” the Oysters cried,
              Turning a little blue,
            “After such kindness, that would be
              A dismal thing to do!”
            “The night is fine,” the Walrus said
              “Do you admire the view?

            “It was so kind of you to come!
              And you are very nice!”
            The Carpenter said nothing but
              “Cut us another slice:
            I wish you were not quite so deaf —
              I’ve had to ask you twice!”

            “It seems a shame,” the Walrus said,
              “To play them such a trick,
            After we’ve brought them out so far,
              And made them trot so quick!”
            The Carpenter said nothing but
              “The butter’s spread too thick!”

            “I weep for you,” the Walrus said.
              “I deeply sympathize.”
            With sobs and tears he sorted out
              Those of the largest size.
            Holding his pocket handkerchief
              Before his streaming eyes.

            “O Oysters,” said the Carpenter.
              “You’ve had a pleasant run!
            Shall we be trotting home again?”
              But answer came there none —
            And that was scarcely odd, because
              They’d eaten every one.’

Excerpt from To Kill A Mockingbird – Harper Lee

:: Harper Lee

When Atticus looked down at me I saw the expression on his face
that always made me expect something. “Do you know what a compromise is?”
he asked.

“Bending the law?”

“No, an agreement reached by mutual concessions. It works this
way,” he said. “If you’ll concede the necessity of going to school, we’ll
go on reading every night just as we always have. Is it a bargain?”

“Yes sir!”

“We’ll consider it sealed without the usual formality,”  Atticus
said, when he saw me preparing to spit.

As I opened the front screen door Atticus said, “By the way,
Scout, you’d better not say anything at school about our agreement.”

“Why not?”

“I’m afraid our activities would be received with considerable
disapprobation by the more learned authorities.”

Jem and I were accustomed to our father’s last-will-and-testament
diction, and we were at all times free to interrupt Atticus for a
translation when it was beyond our understanding.

“Huh, sir?”

“I never went to school,” he said, “but I have a feeling that if
you tell Miss Caroline we read every night she’ll get after me, and I
wouldn’t want her after me.”